NEW!! The List: 2020/21

THE LIST 2020/21

With the league resumption just around the corner, I have compiled my annual list of things that I will endeavour to do throughout the season. As circumstances are very different this year - both globally and personally - I've reduced the number from thirty to twenty and have adapted my targets accordingly.

I will be keeping you up to date with my progress (or otherwise) over the course of the 2020/21 campaign,

Here's The List:

To Do
Order some Chonburi merchandise online
Wear my Chonburi shirt at an English league or cup match
Visit a ground on a non match day
Chat "live" online with someone who is at a Chonburi match
Meet up with another Thai football fan

Write a Chonburi FC comic strip
Create some Chonburi graffiti
Watch a match online with someone who has never seen Thai football before
Wear my Chonburi shirt to visit a famous UK landmark
Avoid hearing a match result and watch a recording of the full game later
Get someone to write a guest match report
Produce a website related unofficial Chonburi FC t-shirt
Recreate an iconic lp sleeve using Chonburi FC imagery
Play a game of football in a Thai football shirt
Share any Chonburi related dream I have

Write and record a Chonburi FC song

Put a Chonburi FC sticker on my car
Add English commentary to a video of match highlights

Eat Thai food and drink Chang beer at an English league or cup match

Go to a Chonburi match

Done

11. Wear my Chonburi shirt to visit a famous UK landmark

Achieved 20/8/21

I've always loved Morecambe. From childhood visits with my family to "ironic" trips there whilst in my 20s, it's somewhere I've always tried to go whenever I've had the chance. Therefore, when an opportunity presented itself recently, I jumped at it! It was lovely to see the old place again and I am pleased to report it was looking lovely and very busy. Even though much of it still appears "tatty" it has obviously enjoyed a bit of a renaissance since I was last there, twenty years ago. And is all the better for it. Naturally, I had fish and chips, and a pint, and then went to pay homage to the town's most famous son, and one of my all time heroes. He seemed as happy to see me and I was to see him. Bless you, Eric.

10. Share any Chonburi related dream I have

Achieved 5/6/21-6/6/21

Chonburi were hosting Police Tero in a crucial end of season fixture. The game was being played behind closed doors at Assumption College, Sriracha. However, as I was living on the campus, I was able to watch the action from my flat, high up behind one of the goals. The surface wasn't grass, but a full size tarmac playground pitch. It was raining.

When I "joined" the proceedings, we were losing 1-0, and attacking the far end. Two of the Police Tero back four were dressed in their motorbike cop uniforms and one of them was slightly overweight. I was screaming at our centre forward (Eliandro?) to take them on, but he was reluctant to do so. Eventually, he followed my advice, but blazed high and wide, with only the keeper to beat.

Meanwhile, I was scrolling through Twitter and saw a post by an Indian football fan. He had uploaded a photo of himself with five Chonburi shirts, including a rare one from 2002. I complimented him on his collection - especially the Pro League version. I asked him if he had this season's kit and a pair of boots because we could do with him playing in the current match. I woke up before I received his reply.

9. Create some Chonburi graffiti

Achieved 9/1/21

OK, so there are those of you who will argue that writing "Chonburi FC" in the snow doesn't count as graffiti, and, I have to say, I probably agree with you. However, as it's been over 25 years since I've had the opportunity to do this, I make no apologies. Besides, I couldn't resist and derived a great deal of pleasure from my rather innocent actions.

Also, due to the proliferation of CCTV cameras in my area, I decided that it would be the safest option. This way, anyone studying the tapes from the evening of January 9th, 2021, would see some harmless weirdo using an umbrella, and then his finger, to scrawl the name of his favourite football team in the pristine white carpet, and not some vandal with a spray can of paint. 

I'm 57 years old...

8. Order some Chonburi merchandise online

Achieved 19/12/20

After my initial plan to buy this season's Nike replica white shirt - a thing of beauty - fell through due to availability issues - there are no fat boy sizes left! - I settled on the next best thing, a "Fan Cheer" shirt from Shopee. 

Setting up an account was a breeze and I soon found exactly what I was looking for - a blue 3XL. All the forms were straightfoward enough and in no time at all I was ready to hit the "Purchase" button. However, this is when my problems began. I had to enter another code, which they sent to my wife's mobile phone, in order to place my...erm...order. I duly followed the instructions, but was then logged out of the site and unable to log back in. I tried a few more times, before giving up, exasperated.

The next day, I went through the whole process again, only to fall once more at the final hurdle, when, for some reason, it refused to recognise my card. Foiled! Or so I thought. It was a this point that I noticed a "Cash on Delivery" option. I duly clicked on the link and - hey presto! - everything was confirmed. Twenty four hours later, the postman delivered my goods, my mother in law handed over the THB424 and I am now the proud owner of the garment you see pictured above. It was well worth the effort.

7. Eat Thai food and drink Chang beer at an English league or cup match

Achieved 24/10/20

Northern Premier League Division One - North West

Kendal Town 2-3 Runcorn Linnets

Parkside Rd, Kendal

Saturday 24th October, 2020

Yesterday had a really nostalgic feel to it. It was cold and wet, and pre match I wandered around town scouring the record shops (well, one record shop and a few charity shops), before making the twenty minute walk to the ground. I handed over my GBP9 admission fee, GBP2 for a programme and found myself a place at the back of the stand behind the goal. The was some cover so I figured I'd be OK if the rain persisted - how wrong I was!

The game itself was very entertaining. No fanfare, no huddles, no stoppages for injuries (real or perceived), just two teams - numbered 1-11 - going hell for leather to win, on a seriously muddy pitch. In the end, the visitors ran out worthy 3-2 winners and "celebrated" by wandering over to their bench as if they were off to catch the bus to work. No lap of honour, no sereneding, no posing for a group photo in front of the travelling support (who had hotfooted it to the bar at the final whistle, anyway). Result aside, it all gave me a nice warm glow.

As I trudged wearily back home reflecting on the previous ninety minutes, there was to be one last reminder of my younger days. I stopped outside a shop and peered through the window to watch the results from the day's league matches on a soundless tv. Perfect. The whole experience had been a real throwback and a reminder of how football used to be when I was young.

However, there was one big difference that set this day apart from those of my youth. Instead of the standard fare of a cup of Bovril, a meat and potato pie and a wagon wheel, my match time snack - courtesy of the excellent Thai Kitchen - was moo ping, sticky rice and a couple of cans of Chang. It was the ideal fusion of my two football worlds. Now, if only the Thai league would import some of the more positive aspects of the English non league.

6. Visit a ground on a non match day

Achieved 22/10/20

During a recent visit to see my mum and dad, I took the opportunity to pop down the road to the Pirelli Stadium, the home of Burton Albion. Even though I'd been to The Brewers' previous abode, the gloriously ramshackle Eton Park, on many occasions - and even played there a few times - this was my first trip to their new ground. And I was very impressed.

It's a tidy, compact stadium on the edge of town (not far from where I used to work) and clearly plays a big role in the local community. On the day I visited there was a midwifery meeting in progress, a lively toddler group and the main car park was being used to train young motorcyclists. What wonderful examples of how a club should use its facilities on non match days.

The lady in the shop was welcoming, friendly and helpful, and had no problems letting me wander around to take some photographs. She was even good enough to grab this snap of me!

As I follow the fortunes of the Albion quite closely, I have long been aware of the kind of club they are and the services they offer outside of football. However, seeing things first hand, really emphasised what a wonderful job they do locally, especially in these difficult times. There are many Thai clubs (and others in England!) who could learn a lot from a visit to this part of south east Staffordshire, should they feel the need to see how to do things properly. They might even get an insight into how to achieve success on the pitch too. I'd be more than happy to help set the wheels in motion.

You can see more photos from my trip to the Pirelli Stadium here

5. Get someone to write a guest match report

Achieved 5/10/20

Not Russ, but Val enjoying a beer inside Chonburi Stadium

Last Wednesday, I received this message from my good friend, Russ:

"Hi Dale, re your "to do list". I am happy to do a guest report on a Sharks match - based on me watching the match on TV."

Today, this was waiting for me in my inbox:

Dateline: 4th October, 2020

Chonburi 1-0 Bangkok Utd

Attendance: 2,147

An upbeat Sharks outfit took on championship contenders Bangkok United at the Chonburi Stadium,

Luckily, the Chonburi management had the foresight to put a shilling in the electricity meter allowing the game to commence with fully functioning floodlights. The crowd noise was drowned out by the sound of chomping of nam tok moo (with a side of sticky rice) and slurping of beer following the club’s decision to allow food and drink into the ground.

The Sharks opened brightly and before you could say pass me another Chang and some barbecued pork kebabs, up popped old man Bosco to hammer home to give the Sharks an early lead. 

The game descended into a midfield ping pong battle but with Caion marauding, the Sharks looked dangerous and with the Angel wing backs complaining about the smell of roasted chillies and inquiring of the crowd if any sandwiches were available, the flanks looked dangerously exposed.

In a half bereft of chances, it was 31 minutes before there was further significant goalmouth action when Bosco failed to convert a smart Kroekrit cross, then his crafty ,outside of the boot, cross caused chaos in the Angels defence. There was a VAR check for a penalty but officials in the VAR room were caught having a snack and claimed not to have seen the incident.

The ref blew for half time and in a first, he asked the forth official to order a crate of ale and somtan for consumption during the break. 

The second half saw the visitors come out determined to put the Sharks under greater pressure but it took them until the 59th minute to create a real chance when a fine shot thundered against the angle of the goal frame.

In a game destined to have fewer than five real chances, Bangkok continued to press, with the Sharks defence coping remarkably well. The rangy Caion continued to torment, setting up a chance for Boscovic whose shot was inches wide, then minutes later fluffing his shot when he was clear and in on goal.

At the other end, Brenner had the ball in the net in the 75th minute  but a VAR review ruled him offside. 

In late game drama, after a fine solo run from Caion, Boscovic flashed his low drive just wide of the post, then a VAR review for a Bangkok penalty turned down their claim and the Sharks survived to claim the three points,

A well deserved victory tonight and an excellent start to the season sees the Sharks sitting proudly in third place. Caion and Boscovic look like a formidable duo up front and will test many defences this season.

Russ John

4. Wear my Chonburi shirt at an English league or cup match

Achieved 29/9/20

Due to work, family commitments and a pandemic, I hadn't been to a football match for over 7 months. Easily the longest period in my life without seeing a live game. However, this was put right with my visit to Parkside Road to watch Kendal Town entertain City of Liverpool FC, in the Northern Premier League Division One North West, last night. 

And what a joy it was. A thoroughly entertaining 75 minutes - I missed the opening quarter of an hour due to my employers insisting I complete my shift - and I felt a genuine delight at returning to the terraces. 

It's been 30 years since I was last on this ground and nothing has changed, apart from the name of the home side - they were Netherfield back then - and it really did feel like coming home. 

Everything about the evening was perfect; friendly fans and staff, home and away supporters mixing happily, two teams going hammer and tongs, no fannying about, huddles or feigning injuries, a couple of punch ups, a ref who let a lot go, a great goal, the right result - Kendal won 1-0 - and being able to enjoy a couple of beers in my seat. 

I really love Thai football, for many reasons, but it was nice to be back watching some "proper" stuff again. Oh, and my shirt - which was one of three (!) layers I was wearing - attracted a few favourable comments too. 

I'll definitely be back for more. Mintcakes Su Su!

3. Avoid hearing a match result and watch a recording of the full game later

Acheived 20/9/20

A long Sunday shift at work was all I needed to help me achieve this. After logging off from Twitter and switching off my tablet five minutes before kick off, I knew there was absolutely no way I'd hear the result of the Prachup match. And I was right. I didn't need to hide in a church, go to a fancy hairdressers or avoid Brian Glover, and there was zero chance I'd see any "Chonburi F..." style headline outside a local newsagents. 

Funnily enough - and probably because I was busy - I wasn't even curious to learn what was going on during the game, therefore, after work, I went home via the chippy and the off licence and settled down to watch the rerun courtesy of HD Prime and the True Money codes my wife had sent me, totally oblivious to what had happened a couple of hours previously. And that was as good as it got. The match itself wasn't very entertaining - mainly due to the awful conditions - and was completely ruined by VAR. Oh, and we lost. Still, the pie, chips, curry sauce and beer were nice.

2. Chat "live" online with someone who is at a Chonburi match

Acheived 13/9/20

My live chat with Tim Spear, during the Chonburi v Trat match.

5:53
Tim:

5:58

Tim: Away fans social distancing

Me: Ready for kick off

5:59 

Tim: I had the same this morning after a night out. Well needed. Love the mug!

6:01 

Tim: 0-1

6:02 

Tim: First minute. Free kick floated in, free header, no attempt to save.

Me: Groan!

6:04 

Tim: Chonburi playing (Steve) Bruceball

6:05 

Tim: Free kick to us on their goal line. Should be a penalty.

6:06 

Tim: The ref has let them stand over the ball for two minutes. Now a review. Twat!

Me: 55!

6:08

Tim: This is ridiculous.

Me: Sounds like pure comedy.

Tim: Unless you are here. Just not football.

Me: Oh, I'm missing it so much 😃

Tim: We are laughing too!

6:14

Tim: Chonburi pushing now.

6:16

Tim: For the first time ever, we have played on when one of their players was down.

Me: Glad to hear it.

6:24

Tim: 1-1. Failed corner, ball back in, defence all at sea and an open goal from 3m out. No idea who scored.

Me: Yes!

6:26

Tim: Great chance from edge of six yard box. Missed!

6:27

Tim: We're starting to dominate now.

6:28

Tim: Overhead kick by Caion. Just wide. Keeper beaten. Great skill.

Me: Sounds promising.

6:29

Tim: Good play down the left. Unlucky.

6:31

Tim: Free kick swung in. Mayhem! Unfortunately, noone at the edge of the box.

6:32

Tim: Trat now playing Bruceball.

6:33

Tim: Great cross from the left. Missed a sitter! Corner.

Me: We need to score while we're on top.

Tim: Yes.

6:35

Tim: Ball over the top. Just failed to control the header.

6:36

Tim: Trat have a beast of a striker: no.11

Me: Ricardo Santos

6:38

Tim: Kushida doing well. Neat and tidy.

6:39

Tim: Free kick to us. Yellow card for them.

6:41

Tim: Break for two players to sit and have a drink!

6:45

Tim: 2 minutes injury time.

6:46

Tim: Half time

Me: Thanks. Chang for you, cuppa tea for me. Boskovic scored our goal.

7:04

Me: Are they allowing food and drinks inside?

Tim: No

7:06

Tim: Same as first half; 1-2.

Me: Losing?

Tim: Yes

Me: Oh no!

7:17 

Tim: 2-2

Me: Yes!!

7:18 

Tim: Still outside

7:25 

Tim: Still outside

7:26 

Tim: Beer wins. Going for another.

Me: Cheers! I'm on the tea.

7:34 

Tim: Penalty

Me: To us?

Tim: Yes

7:36 

Tim: Get in! 3-2. Caion again!

Me: Yay!!

7:42 

Tim: Beer is good

Me: Are you still outside?!

7:56

Tim: Of course! Fans all streaming out now. Looks like we won, but can't confirm??

Me: We did.

Tim: Ha, ha!

1. Put a Chonburi FC sticker on my car
Achieved 21/8/20

Away we go! I found this sticker in a box of stuff in my parents' loft, thus saving my wife a trip to to Chonburi Stadium to buy a new one and a further excursion to the post office, in order to mail it to me. Therefore, it was a case of peeling it from its backing and attaching it to the rear window. There's not really much else I can say about this so I'll finish by posting a few comments about the car:

"With a mere 90 brake-horse-power available, progress is too leisurely to be called fast, but on the motorway in 5th gear the Megane's slow pace really becomes a pain. Uphill runs become power-sappingly mundane, while overtaking National Express coaches can become a long, drawn-out affair.” 

Not my words, folks. The words of Top Gear magazine.

Previous versions of The List (2014-2018)

The List: 2018

At the start of the 2018 season I set myself a target of thirty things that I wanted to do over the course of the year. Here's how I got on...

The List 2018: Thirty Things I Must Do This Season

THE LIST

When I was growing up, it was easy being a football supporter. You'd turn up at the ground, buy a programme, pay at the turnstiles, take your place on the terraces with your mates andwatch the match. You'd have a pie and a cup of Bovril at half time and then trudge home at the final whistle to fish and chips and a mug of tea. Simple.

However, in the modern age, there are so many more distractions at the stadium (especially in Thailand, with its burgeoning domestic football scene). The whole match going experience has changed. It has become an "event" and the fans are photographed and filmed as much as - if not more than - the action taking place on the pitch.

Grounds are surrounded by a riot of colour and noise (as opposed to just a riot - commonplace in the 70s and 80s) and a festival like atmosphere prevails. It's not always been to my taste.

So, with a new season just around the corner,  I have produced my annual list of thirty things that I will endeavour to do this year. Some are retro and will fill me with a nice warm glow, others are contemporary, stuff that I've never felt the urge to do before, but am now willing to try and I'll also be revisiting a few old favourites.

Over the course of 2018, I will be keeping you up to date with my progress (or otherwise).

To Do

Write and record a Chonburi FC tribute song

Hand out flowers to Newin Chidchob's personal security guards

Have my photo taken with an opposition coach/manager

Produce a website related unofficial Chonburi FC t-shirt

Add English commentary to a video of match highlights

Take a photo of my dog on the Chonburi pitch

Draw a Chonburi FC cartoon strip

Recreate an iconic lp sleeve using Chonburi FC imagery

Done

22. Take someone who doesn't like football to a match

Achieved 7/10/18

Even though she used to go to watch Chonburi regularly, my wife hates football (Insert own joke here). For her, the appeal was the craic. The chance to meet up with friends, eat, drink and be merry. The action on the pitch rarely had any interest for her.

So, over the years, as the old fans and friends drifted away and the club banned us from eating and drinking inside the ground, the appeal of a day out at the match waned. She'd occasionally accompany me on an overnight away trip - mainly for the break - but going for the football wasn't enough.

However, as this was the last match of the season, she had a day off and I had a spare ticket (Thanks, Clarence), I managed to persuade her to come along.

Initially, things were going well. We met up with the usual crowd. We ate, drank and made merry - we also discussed the demise of the club - but then the time came to go inside. Reluctantly, she made her way to her seat and sat down to enjoy the "entertainment". I could sense that she wasn't really looking forward to the next couple of hours.

And, sure enough, within a few minutes, she had disappeared. When she returned a short while later, she did seem a little happier.

"Where have you been?" I asked, already knowing what the answer would be.

"I went to get something to eat," came the expected reply.

She was to repeat this action a couple more times during the first half, and had free reign at the food stalls during the break, before managing to stay in one place for the duration of the second. She was either full or couldn't be bothered traipsing up and down the steps again.

At the end of the match, I asked her for her thoughts.

"It was boring. Nowhere near as much fun as it used to be. It used to be a laugh, but it isn't now."

"Anything else to add?" I enquired.

"Yes. There were too many bloody mosquitoes!"

21. Go to an away match travelling exclusively on public transport

 Achieved 3/10/18

As I was already in Bangkok, this was quite straightforward, but also very enjoyable.

I started off by taking a motorbike taxi across town during the rush hour. I'm not sure how many red lights we had to stop for, but it was a lot. At least it gave me plenty of time to take in sights and sounds of the city, as people on their way home from work mingled with those setting off on a night out.

All in all, the five mile journey took just over half an hour, which meant I missed the first twenty minutes or so. I realised later what a blessing this was and wished the ride could have taken longer!

Following the match, and a heated discussion with some of the home fans about the merits, or otherwise, of Bruce Forsyth and Bob Monkhouse, Port fan, Dom, offered to walk me to the nearest MRT (underground/subway) station. It was only a short stroll away so we were there in no time. We would have been quicker, but my guide had to make an unscheduled pit stop.

On arrival at the eerily deserted Queen Sirikit National Convention Centre station, we bought our tickets (THB25) for our journeys, which would take us in opposite directions. After posing for the accompanying photo (and few hundred others!), I bid my companion farewell and boarded my train.

A short while later, I arrived at my destination, hailed another motorbike taxi and made the short final leg of my expedition, arriving back at my starting point roughly five hours after setting off. Football aside, it had been a great night.

With thanks to Dom

20. Get a Chonburi player’s autograph

Achieved 3/10/18

The last person I can remember asking for an autograph is Altered Images singer, and star of one of the greatest films ever made, 'Gregory's Girl', Clare Grogan. This was in 1982, on the night Aston Villa won the European Cup.

And, as I didn't want to spoil what I consider to be a proud boast, I sent my friend, Val, to get Bajram Nebihi's signature, when we saw him sitting in with the away fans at PAT Stadium last Wednesday.

Thankfully, Val is a good mate and was happy to oblige. She also asked me if I wanted her to take his photo as well - I didn't! - so she queued (queued!) behind all the other supporters - who did all want photos - to ask him to scribble in the back of my notebook - which he did quite happily. He also, helpfully, added his shirt number (20).

In return for the sacrifice she'd made, I bought her a beer at half time, when we also discussed other autographs we'd collected.

Her most impressive one was an Italian TV chef, she met on a train in the Lake District, and whose name she couldn't remember. Mine (not counting the aforemention chanteuse/actor) was a toss up between Jack Charlton (at a petrol station on Merseyside) and Malcolm Nash (the bowler hit for six sixes by Gary Sobers).

19. Produce an old skool photocopied Chonburi fanzine

Achieved 29/9/18

I had a lot of fun putting this together and I really enjoyed the whole process. It was so nice to do everything old skool again. A real throwback to the good old days, before the instant gratification of the internet, and a reminder of my youth – and beyond!

The first fanzine I ever produced, using my mum’s typewriter and some carbon paper, was called “Irritate” and it was dedicated to Punk Rock. It featured a few singles reviews, a report on a Clash concert and a completely made up interview with the Sex Pistols. There was one edition and three copies (the biggest amount possible using the aforementioned copying method!). It was 1977 and I was 13.

Since then, I’ve been responsible, or partly responsible, for various other football and music publications of varying quality. The most recent being “Sniffin’ Somtam (And Other Thai Football Habits)”, which saw the light of day in 2009. However, it failed to catch the imagination of the match going public, even though Thai football was going through an unprecedented boom period at the time. Indeed, the reaction from most of the foreigners we approached when the mag made its debut on that fateful night before a Thailand international at Rajamangala, was bordering on hostile.

Thankfully, the response to “Screaming From Beneath the Waves” - a title nicked (in true fanzine fashion) from an Echo and the Bunnymen lyric – has been fantastic and I got a real buzz from selling it at the ground last Saturday.

I’ve already had requests – and offers of articles – for a second edition. So watch this space!

Thanks to everyone who contributed and all of you who have bought or ordered a copy.

"Screaming From Beneath the Waves"

A Chonburi FC Fanzine

THB50 (plus p&p)

From nuichonburi@gmail.com or at the stadium on match days.

18. Watch a league or cup match that doesn't involve Chonburi

Achieved 26/9/18

I had intended going to last Wednesday’s League Cup semi final between Nakorn Ratchasima and Chiang Rai Utd, but work got in the way! However, I had no such problems yesterday. I had made sure of that.

As I was already in Bangkok, I jumped on a motorbike taxi and we weaved our way through the rush hour traffic. My driver (Rider? Pilot?) was a Buriram Utd “fan” – although he was surprised to learn that they actually had a match about ten miles up the road – so we passed the journey by chatting about the respective fortunes of our clubs. Needless to say, I didn’t have the last laugh, and he came out on top in that discussion.

On arrival at the stadium, I was surprised to see how quiet it was. Even though it was only about twenty minutes to kick off, there was hardly anybody around. I made a quick check to see if I’d come on the right day – I had – and then found my way to the ticket table. As there was no neutral section, I flipped a coin and bought a THB120 ticket for the Ratchaburi end, although, I felt slightly uncomfortable with this, as they’d knocked us out in the previous round. But, hey ho!

After a quick beer and a couple of sausages, I went inside to soak up the atmosphere. What a disappointment. For such a “big” match the crowd was incredibly subdued. The usual drummer was doing his bit, but it was all falling rather flat. There did seem to be more noise coming from the part of the ground away to our left, but even that didn’t rise above a slight murmur – at least that’s how it sounded from where I was sitting.

The match itself was, for the most part, pretty dull. Chiang Rai Utd dominated from and looked the better of two very average teams. The Dragons offered very little as an attacking threat, but defended heroically when they had to.

Things only came to life in the 70th minute when, totally against the run of play, Ratchaburi took the lead, with a goal that I missed because I was downstairs buying a drink. This really opened things up (The goal, not my drink) and the game got quite exciting – even for someone as non-committed as me – and brought the sparse crowd to something approaching life.

The inevitable happened shortly before the final whistle, when Chiang Rai Utd equalized, to send proceedings into extra time. Sadly (I think!), I was unable to stay for the added half an hour so made my way to the main road to look for a taxi.

It had been a strange experience for me. Maybe if the match had been more entertaining, I would have enjoyed myself more (I did enjoy the final twenty minutes of regulation time), but I just couldn’t get into it. Football is such a partisan sport that you need to be backing, or disliking, one of the teams and I really couldn’t spark up any enthusiasm or animosity for either of them last night. Maybe I was also thinking of what could have been…

17. Go on a Chonburi FC sticker rampage

Started 5/6/18

Admittedly it's been more of a stroll than a rampage, but I have been posting Chonburi FC stickers in various places over the course of my travels this year.

16. Score a goal on an opposition's pitch

Achieved 29/7/18

Even though we arrived at the stadium three hours before kick off on Saturday, there were still too many people around for us to risk trotting out onto the pitch. However, we had no such trouble the following morning.

Refreshed after a good night's sleep and a hearty breakfast in the company of a few dozen other Chonburi fans (the latter, not the former) at a local hotel, we returned to the ground early on Sunday. This time - and perhaps not surprisingly - the place was deserted. Thankfully it was also unlocked.

After parking the car in the VIP spot, me and my accomplice, marched confidently towards the hallowed turf of the Khao Plong Stadium (I now regret not entering via the tunnel), clutching the ball we had found lying around outside. This was a real stroke of luck, as I had forgotten to bring one and only had a rattan Takraw ball in my boot. Sometimes, the gods are smiling down on you.

We spent a few minutes setting up and working out how we could get the best shot of my shot. I had a couple of practise efforts - so my photographer could test the light, or some such thing - and then it was time for action.

The previous evening, we'd sat frustrated in this very arena for an hour and a half, as 22 professional footballers failed to put the ball in the net once - and probably wouldn't have managed it if they'd played all night. Therefore, it was with a great sense of satisfaction that I hit the onion bag half a dozen times in the space of about three minutes and proved how easy it is. If only the scouts had been watching. Or the strikers. They might have learnt something.

Full time score: Chainat 0-6 Chonburi (Farrington 90+1, 90+2, 90+2, 90+3, 90+4, 90+4)

With thanks to Tim

15. Make a new banner and take it to a match

Achieved 14/7/18

I'd been waiting all season for inspiration for the new banner and it eventually came in the shape of our recently arrived goalscoring sensation, Matheus Alves. The big Brazilian has already etched his name into Chonburi folklore by scoring a hat trick against Muang Thong Utd, but 9 goals in 6 matches suggests that he's not just a flash in the pan. Hopefully, he can go on to become one of the all time club greats.

I created my art on Friday afternoon - after locking the dogs in the kitchen so they wouldn't ruin it. It's amazing what you can do with an old bed sheet and a can of spray paint. I'm the first to admit that this is a bad pun, but it still makes me laugh and, believe me, it is better than the alternatives. Also, I bet you can't get the song out of your head now!

On arrival at Ratchaburi’s lovely stadium, we posed for a couple of photographs outside the away end. However, before we were allowed to take it inside, I had to unfurl it again in front of the security guards so they could photograph it and get approval from someone on the other end of a mobile phone. Thankfully, the censors allowed it (one of my other ideas might not have passed such scrutiny!) and we were waved in. I'm just relieved I didn't have to explain it to them. Where would I have started?!

Luckily, there was still some space on the railing, near the corner flag, for me to hang it and there it stayed for the duration of the match. It was clearly visible around the ground (Bigger is better! - A little tip there for any prospective banner makers) and I enjoyed a shiver of pride when the great man himself came over to celebrate in front of it, after putting us one up. A lovely moment and a clear endorsement of my craft.

14. Have a traditional English summer picnic before a match

Achieved 11/7/18

Menu

Hard boiled eggs

Sausage rolls

Pork pies

Ham and cheese sandwiches

Sour Cream & Onion Pringles

BBQ Doritos

S&P Butter Cake

Sprite

Beer

Weather

Overcast, cool and raining (perfect)

The original plan was to have this on the grass, but sadly (appropriately) the wet weather put paid to that. Thankfully, the rain didn't dampen our spirits and we were able to enjoy our pre match picnic under cover in the sala - much to the amusement and bemusement of the smattering of Muang Thong Utd fans who were also there taking shelter.

Unfortuntely, I couldn't find a red and white gingham tablecloth - so a spotty one had to do - and I forgot the cheese, pickles and crackers, but otherwise everything went to plan. Even the local stray dogs behaved themselves. It also brought us luck - a 5-1 win - leading to requests for me to prepare such a feast before every match. Now there's a thought...

Thanks to Tim, Matt, Jan, Kevin and Matthew for joining in the fun.

13. Cycle to a match

Achieved 4/7/18

When my mate, Tim, a keen triathlete, announced that he was planning to cycle up from Pattaya to the midweek cup tie against Uttaradit, I jumped at the chance to join him. This was one of my favourite item on last year's List and I was keen to do it all over again.

We arranged to meet at 3:30pm in a little coffee shop near to Robinson's in my home town of SriRacha. When I arrived at the agreed time, Tim was already there, enjoying a well earned banana smoothie. He looked remarkably fresh for someone who had just ridden 15 miles in searing heat and been for a run earlier in the day. The man is a machine!

After our refreshments, I started, and he continued, the journey to Chonburi Stadium. As I pointed out last year, the stretch of Sukhumvit Road between SriRacha and Chonburi isn't the most picturesque in the country, but it is, for the most part, flat. Therefore, we made good time and were soon stopping for our only pit stop - at a local petrol station - not far from our destination.

We bought a couple of drinks, something to eat, then sat and enjoyed our snack as we watched the world go by. After about half an hour, we were back on the road for the final leg of our journey.

We arrived at the ground just after 5:00pm - a good two hours before kick off - and immediately bought the first of a few welcome beers. It had been an enjoyable afternoon and I'm sure that we'll be doing this again soon.

Special thanks to Clare for the lift home.

 

12. Watch a televised match in bed

Achieved 16/6/18

I'm not usually in bed at 7 o'clock on a Saturday night, but the World Cup is already playing havoc with my body clock. And, besides, I'd had such a busy day. Housework doesn't do itself, you know.

And so it came to pass, that a little after 6:55pm on the 16th of July, 2018, I donned my pyjamas (a Chonburi blue), climbed beneath the sheets with my mug of tea and plate of Marmite on toast and switched on the set. Just in time for kick off.

I must admit, I'd really been looking forward to this. There's something extremely comforting about watching a match in this way and I could always drop off if things got too boring - mind you, I've often thought about doing that in the stands! Thankfully, there was enough happening on screen to keep me awake for the next couple of hours. The only disappointment was that it wasn't raining outside - I'm totally with The Wiggles on that one.

For the record, the toast didn't last beyond the opening salvoes, the tea was topped up at regular intervals (thanks to Mrs F) and I scared one of the cats - who was enjoying a nap by my feet - when Ciro scored the late winner. Also, I had to get up to watch the second half of Argentina v Iceland and the following game between Peru and Denmark. Well, you can have too much of a good thing.

11. Buy a pair of an opposition team's shorts

Achieved 10/6/18

This proved a lot more difficult than I anticipated. It appears that most clubs don't stock branded shorts or, if they do, they sell out very quickly. I've tried at every away match I've been to this season, but the closest I came to finding any before last Sunday, was at Bangkok Utd - who had "training" shorts on sale in their stadium based shops.

Therefore, I was extremely relieved, and not a little excited, to discover a whole rack of the things when I entered the Navy store at the weekend. Not only were the shorts in plentiful supply, but they also came in four - count 'em! - colours: white, lime green, purple, and yellow. My next task was to find a pair that fitted me.

I rather hoped that there would be an XL in the purple, but sadly it came down to a straight choice between the yellow and the lime green. After much deliberation, I plumped for the former, mainly because I'd never owned a pair of yellow shorts before - I'd donned lime green when I played for a local Thai team a few years ago. And rather fetching they looked too.

I haven't worn my new purchase yet. They'll probably get an outing on a bike ride or trip to the beach, once my anger has subsided at our poor performance in Sattahip. I'll keep you posted.

10. Have an article posted on another website

Achieved 14/5/18

My mate Alan, over at JSoccer, recently asked me for some information about two of the three Thai players - Teerasil Dangda and Teerathon Bunmathan - who have moved to the J League this season.

Luckily for me, friend of the site, and Muang Thong Utd fan, Grant Aitken was on hand to answer some of my questions and contribute towards a short piece for Alan's magazine.

You can read the article in full HERE

With thanks to Alan and Grant

9. Smuggle a pie and cup of Bovril into Chonburi Stadium

Achieved 29/4/18

At a well run, civilised and welcoming club, I wouldn't need to do this. However, we're talking about Chonburi here. Somewhere that has turned alienating its own fans into an art form.

The ridiculous food and drink ban - introduced in 2009 - after a spot of bother against PEA, rumbles on and the rather arrogant attitude of the senior management appears to suggest it will not be lifted soon. Is there any real need for it to still be in place. No, is the simple answer.

We can visit other grounds up and down the country without any problems and partake of liquid refreshment (including beer at some places!!) and a bite to eat, whilst enjoying/enduring the team's performance on the pitch. But we can't do it at home. Why? Because "they" say so!

However - if I'm being honest - smuggling stuff in is a breeze. The sixteen year old girls employed as security at the stadium aren't really that bothered and any pre match or half time search is nothing more that a cursory pat on the pocket and glance in the bag. Why should they care?

In spite of the ease by which I managed to get my contraband into the main stand, I'm still not going to reveal how I did it. You never know, it might become a regular occurence.

I ate the minced beef and onion pie (delicious) and drank the Bovril (nostalgic) during the first half while they were still warm. It really took me back to the late sixties/early seventies and my first real memories of going to football. Not even the upper echelons of Chonburi FC can take this pleasure away from me.

8. Play the Chonburi Drinking Game during a match

Achieved 31/3/18

Chonburi Drinking Game rules

You must take a drink of alcohol every time:

⦁ Chanin drops the ball

⦁ Chanin kicks the ball straight into touch

⦁ Chonlatit gets caught out of position or skinned by a forward

⦁ Kroerkrit misplaces a pass

⦁ Gyeong-Min wins a header

⦁ CiroAlves goes down "injured"

⦁ Marclei fails to control the ball with his 1st touch

⦁ We have a shot on target

⦁ We put the ball out of play when someone is "injured"

⦁ We have a player booked

⦁ We concede a goal

⦁ There's a foul throw that's missed by the officials

⦁ There's a close up of Newin Chidchob on TV

⦁ Diogo brandishes an imaginary yellow card

⦁ The players surround the ref

Well, this was fun. I did try to keep a record of each incident, but it became impossible! However, from memory, the most drinks were taken courtesy of Kroerkrit's misplaced passes, Santos failing to control the ball, Chonlatit getting caught out of position and close ups of old Chiddy Chobby.

Also from memory, I don't think we saw Ciro going down "injured", Chanin dropping the ball and the players surrounding the ref. We also had to wait until the 49th minute before Diogo brandished an imaginary yellow, after he collapsed in a heap following a soft tackle (I know this because I Tweeted about it!).

For the record, I got through nearly three bottles of Federbrau - I felt it wise to give the Chang a miss when drinking at such speed! - and had a couple of extra mouthfuls at times I wasn't supposed to - Kroerkrit celebrating after scoring and when Ciro headed off the line.

All in all, I really enjoyed it, although it was tough keeping up, especially in the later stages. I also downed another bottle at full time to drown my sorrows after the injury time winner. Which was understandable, in the circumstances.

7. Run five laps of the fitness park before a home match

Achieved 28/3/18

Anyone who's been to Chonburi Stadium will be aware of the lovely park that nestles behind the away end. It's a great facility for the locals and on any given night, is full of picnicking families, mingling with the walkers, joggers and more serious runners wending the track. It's a heartwarming sight and one I have become accustomed to over the years I've been attending games at the ground.

Watching these energetic types is as much a part of my pre match routine as sitting with my mates eating, drinking and putting the world to rights. However, even though I admire these hardy souls, I've never once been tempted to join them. . . until now. Therefore, prior to last Wednesday's home fixture with Ratchaburi, I forewent the beer, changed into my sports gear, warmed up and set about tackling five laps of the circuit.

Now, I'd be the first to admit that I'm not as fit as I used to be, but I was determined to complete the course as quickly as I could - the old competitive instinct is still there! This was to be no leisurely evening stroll. So, after walking the first few hundred metres, I broke into a gentle trot. I kept this up for the next couple of minutes and then reverted to walking pace.

I maintained this throughout the whole 3,500 metres, extending the running period each time. And, do you know what? I felt great at the end of it. I also enjoyed an overwhelming sense of achievement, which I dwelt upon whilst drinking my post exercise/pre match beer. Well, old habits die hard!

You can see the before and after photos above

6. Take a horn to a match

Achieved 18/3/18

Just over twelve months ago, I treated myself to a new bike. It's a beautiful example of a velocipede; lightweight, lovely to look at and a joy to ride. I also bought a few accessories; handlebar extensions, a state of the art pump and a rack so I can transport it to far flung places on the back of my car - well, it beats riding there! I was also given a horn.

Now, I'm pretty sure that there was more than a touch of irony about this gift. The person who gave it to me was smiling when he handed it over and made some remark about me needing to stay safe on Thailand's notoriously dangerous roads. I thanked him and tossed it in my boot. No way was that thing going anywhere near my gorgeous new cycle.

Fast forward a few months and I came across the aforementioned item whilst having a clear out. I was this close (I'm holding my forefinger and thumb about a centrmetre apart) to throwing it out, when I had a change of heart.

"I could take that to the match," I thought.

So, last Sunday, the 'Ironic Horn' - now embellished by a Chonburi FC streamer - accompanied me to Police Tero, to compete for attention with the drums and the non stop singing. It stood no chance. The sound it emits is more akin to one of those cheap doggy toys you can buy at the local market. It is not pleasant, but also, thankfully, not very loud.

I did manage to give it a few squeezes - including a rapid barrage after we scored - but sadly, I don't think anyone other than the two people who were unlucky enough to be sitting behind me, heard it.

Oh well, at least I tried!

5. Drink wine at a match

Achieved 10/3/18

I really enjoyed doing this at Navy last season so I couldn't wait to repeat it this year. And at the home of the Sharks.

Therefore, it was with great excitement and anticipation, that I bought a nice bottle of Australian red from my local Tops on Saturday morning and dug out my corkscrew and a couple of glasses.

Initially, the plan was to drink 'el vino' before the match, but someone had already purchased a few cans of beer so the more cultured beverage had to wait until half time. And boy, did I need it by then! The VAR/red card incident had got my blood boiling, therefore I was glad to have something to calm me down.

So, as the others stayed on the ale, and raged against the machine, I snook off with my friend, Val to enjoy something a little more refined and raise the level of conversation. We sipped a couple of glasses whilst reminiscing about previous Glyndebourne Festivals and trips to the Henley Regatta. (Actually we chatted about gigs we'd been to in Leeds and how many times we'd each seen the Wedding Present - plug, plug).

Once the fifteen minute break was over, I returned to my seat refreshed, relaxed and ready for anything that the second half could throw at me. Or so I thought...

4. Buy the cheapest thing from an opposition club's shop

Achieved 4/3/18

I had intended buying a pair of shorts here, but sadly they didn't have any in stock - just hundreds of replica shirts. Therefore, I went with this option, and saved myself a bit of money.

After scouring Suphanburi's two club shops (one inside and one outside), I settled on a pair of THB99 white Warrix football socks - which will come in useful when I next do any sporting activity - and two small club crest stickers, retailing at THB50. I'm not sure what do with the stickers yet, but I'm sure I'll find a use for them somewhere down the line.

Watch this space...

3. Watch a match while draped in a Chonburi flag

Achieved 24/2/18

In amongst all the doom and gloom, there is the shining light that is The List. A way of bringing joy and hope to many, in these difficult times. Therefore, it is with great pleasure that I present the latest addition to the canon.

Last Saturday, I sat and watched a 'spirited' performance from the boys in blue, whilst draped in a homemade Chonburi flag. These used to be given out by spirited entrepreneurs at away games, particularly when we had a large following. This little beauty dates back to a trip to Chainat in 2015 - a 5-1 win.

It isn't as big as I remember it, but it did the trick. It even helped to keep my hair relatively dry during a short burst of rain during the first half. I was also compared to Batman by a couple of people - which was nice. Sadly, it didn't bring about a change in fortunes, which is quite lucky for me, as I would have felt compelled to wear it every week if we'd have won!

2. Go to a match dressed entirely in Chonburi FC merchandise

Achieved 16/2/18

A good root around in my cupboards and drawers produced this little ensemble (click photo to enlarge), which I wore for the home match against Navy and will soon be seen on the catwalks in all the major world fashion centres. And not an overpriced swoosh item in sight!

Cap: From our championship winning season in 2007. One of the first official items the club sold.

Sleep mask: Purchased along with a matching neck pillow a couple of years ago. Pretty random football club merch, huh?
nb: I wish I'd kept it on for the full ninety minutes!

T-Shirt: A coaching staff top given to me by one of the players during 2002, my first season watching the team. No fancy club shops in those days.

Metal badge: A fan produced item from the 2009 campaign. A great DIY effort.

Wrist band: Another fan produced item from the same year as the badge. They were all the rage at the time.

Sweat band: Also from 2009, during our short lived association with Kool, when companies were falling over themselves to get a piece of the Chonburi pie. (I do own other stuff from this period!)

Shorts: Good quality FBT merchandise from 2008. Ten years of regular wear and still going strong.

Shoes: Model's own

1. Take a photo of the floodlights at every ground I visit

Started 19/1/18

(a) 19/1/18 IPE Stadium, Chonburi

Chang Chonburi Invitation

Chonburi v Sukhothai

(b) 4/3/18 Suphanburi Stadium, Suphanburi

T1

Suphanburi v Chonburi

(c) 10/3/18 Chonburi Stadium, Chonburi

T1

Chonburi v Bangkok Glass

(d) 18/3/18  Boonyachinda Stadium, Lak Si, Bangkok

T1

Police Tero v Chonburi

(e) 11/4/18 Nong Prue Stadium, Nong Prue

T1

Pattaya Utd v Chonburi

(f) 25/4/18 Thupatemi stadium, Pathum Thani

T1

Air Force v Chonburi

(g) 6/5/18 Thammasat Stadium, Pathum Thani

T1

Bangkok Utd v Chonburi

(h) 10/6/18 Sattahip Navy Stadium, Sattahip

T1

Navy v Chonburi

(i) 1/7/18 Leo Stadium, Pathum Thani

T1

Bangkok Glass v Chonburi

(j) 14/7/18 Mitr Phol Stadium, Ratchaburi

T1

Ratchaburi v Chonburi

(k) 28/7/18 Khao Plong Stadium, Chainat

T1

Chainat v Chonburi

(l) 26/9/18 Supachalasai Stadium, Bangkok

FA Cup

Chiang Rai Utd v Ratchaburi

(m) 3/10/18 PAT Stadium, Klong Toey, Bangkok

T1

Port v Chonburi

The List: 2017

At the start of the 2017 season I set myself a target of thirty things that I wanted to do over the course of the year. Here's how I got on...

The List 2017: Thirty Things I Must Do This Season

THE LIST
When I was growing up, it was easy being a football supporter. You'd turn up at the ground, buy a programme, pay at the turnstiles, take your place on the terraces with your mates andwatch the match. You'd have a pie and a cup of Bovril at half time and then trudge home at the final whistle to fish and chips and a mug of tea. Simple.

However, in the modern age, there are so many more distractions at the stadium (especially in Thailand, with its burgeoning domestic football scene). The whole match going experience has changed. It has become an "event" and the fans are photographed and filmed as much as - if not more than - the action taking place on the pitch.

Grounds are surrounded by a riot of colour and noise (as opposed to just a riot - commonplace in the 70s and 80s) and a festival like atmosphere prevails. It's not always been to my taste.

So, with a new season just around the corner,  I have produced my annual list of thirty things that I will endeavour to do this year. Some are retro and will fill me with a nice warm glow, and others are contemporary, stuff that I've never felt the urge to do before, but am now willing to try.


Didn't do
Write and record a Chonburi FC tribute song
Produce an old skool photocopied Chonburi fanzine
Watch a league match that doesn't involve Chonburi
Take someone who doesn't like football to a match
Hand out flowers to Newin Chidchob's personal security guards
Have my photo taken with an opposition coach/manager
Get a Chonburi player’s autograph
Produce a website related unofficial Chonburi FC t-shirt
Score a goal on an opposition pitch
Add English commentary to a video of match highlights


DONE
20. Have my photo taken on the Chonburi pitch
Achieved 23/12/17

I always start these things with the best of intentions, then often run out of steam - or time. But, hey ho (or, as it's Christmas, should that be ho, ho, ho?), I'll keep plugging away.

I managed to get this photo after I'd renewed my season ticket on the way to last Saturday's friendly. I had no problems getting onto the pitch, as there was no-one around and the gate was unlocked. I simply strolled in and had a good wander around.

Apparently, we are re-laying the turf ahead of the upcoming campaign. However, there didn't really seem to be much sign of any work being done. Maybe we're waiting for the season ticket money to come in so we can pay the bill? Or is that what the Nurul cash will be used for?

Either way, they need to get a move on. The current - usually decent - surface looked a mess and not at all conducive to the lovely, free flowing, passing football we're likely to be playing in 2018.



19. Make a life size effigy of a Chonburi player and take it to a match
Achieved 18/11/17

According to northern songsters, Brian and Michael, legendary artist, Laurence Stephen Lowry, painted Salford's smokey tops on cardboard boxes from the shops. I painted a larger than life size effigy of Pipob On-Mo on mine, using the leftover paint from my model stadium (see item 18).

I then took it to the final match of the season against Buriram Utd and persuaded people to pose with it. Thankfully, with one notable exception - "I'm not holding that bloody thing!" - everyone I asked was more than willing. You can see some of the results by clicking on the attached photo.

In all honesty, the game of Pass the Pipob was far more entertaining than anything that was happening on the pitch and caused a bit of a stir in the main stand upper. However, as of yet, no-one from the club has contacted me to sign him as Renan's replacement or to mass produce them to sell in the club shop - they wouldn't know a good business opportunity - or mobile striker - if it came up and slapped them in the face!



18. Build a scale model of Chonburi Stadium
Achieved 10/11/17

As a child I loved making models. I was fond of the legendary Airfix kits (Do they still produce them?) and would spend hours constructing houses, shops and many other buildings for the model village that grew up around my Hornby train set. Then Punk Rock came along.

So when faced with yet another break in this most fragmented of football seasons, I seized the opportunity to travel back to a more innocent time, before Messrs Rotten, Strummer and Shelley changed my life forever. And it was lovely.

Armed with a few sheets of card, some paint and some glue, I set about recreating the ground I have come to know and love so well over these past seven years. It was a slow process, but I guess that's the point of model construction - take your time and at the end you'll have something to be proud of. I even went as far as using scrap paper to make prototypes of all the stands. It was worth it.

Watching the stadium come together bit by bit was truly exhilarating and I enjoyed the challenges that I faced - particularly with the floodlights. The painting too was quite a thrill - I hadn't realised how blue the place is!

When it was finished. I made my myself a celebratory - and well earned - cup of tea and admired my handiwork. Sure, there were things I could have done better and other details that I could have added - "Where's the sala?" I hear you cry - but for my first attempt at building something in miniature in well over forty years, I'm extremely proud of my efforts. Well done, me. I might even start marketing kits - if anyone's interested?



17. Visit an opposition stadium on a day when there isn’t a match
Achieved 5/11/17

I had cause to go up to Bangkok today and my journey took me right past PAT Stadium - the home of Port FC. Therefore, I grabbed the opportunity to pop in and take a few photos.

Not surprisingly for a non match day Sunday morning, the place was deserted. The only other person I saw was a lady, who appeared to be washing the team training kit. We exchanged cheery waves as I made my way into the ground.

I sat in a couple of the stands and had a wander onto the pitch - which certainly had that 'end of season' look to it - and enjoyed the serenity of the experience. It was lovely and peaceful, and in total contrast to my last visit here, when the legendary Bangkok traffic had been responsible for our late arrival and subsequent mad dash to the away end.

However, as I enjoyed my peaceful stroll, I pondered as to what I'd have been able to help myself to were I not such an honest man. I would easily have been able to reverse a truck right up to the main entrance and stuff it full of 'goodies' without being challenged - nothing was locked!

I wonder what the two jobsworth guards who tried to stop me walking behind the stand, with two unopened beers after our recent league meeting were doing this morning? This is when you're most needed, lads. Those corner flags will look lovely in my garden!



16. Cycle to a home match
Achieved 22/10/17

I love cycling, so I'd really been looking forward to this. The weather was good and the roads were quiet, perfect conditions for a Sunday afternoon bike ride.

Other than a brief encounter with a monitor lizard and nearly getting knocked off by one of those idiot minibus drivers, the journey itself was rather uneventful. However, travelling along Sukhumvit at a more leisurely pace than I normally do, gave me the opportunity to see how much development there's been during the past few months on the short stretch of road between SriRacha and Chonburi.

The numerous upmarket condos and "villages" that have sprung up recently, have been joined by a plethora of restaurants, bakeries and coffee shops. Most appear indentikit, but there are a couple that look like they warrant further investigation. Who knows, they might become a part of my regular match day routine? I'll keep you posted and pass on any recommendations

Anyway, back to my ride...

The 15 mile trip took me just over an hour - including a short pit stop at a petrol staion, where I used the ATM and bought a bottle of water - and I enjoyed every minute of it. It really was a treat to leave the car at home and get to the match under my own steam - Two wheels good. Four wheels bad.

On arrival at the stadium, I asked the ice cream man to take my photo for the "After" pose - my wife (who thought I was mad for attempting this!) took the "Before" - and then bought myself a well earned bottle of Chang, instead of the 99 he was expecting me to purchase.

My only real problem now was where to leave the bike while I watched the match. Thankfully, the guards were quite happy to allow me to park it behind the ticket table outside the main entrance. They also promised to keep an eye on it for me. And it was still there when I exited at full time. Yay! for the much maligned (usually by me) Chonburi security staff.

Now, I bet you're all wondering how I got back home in the dark. Well, that's a story for another day!



15. Wear an opposition team shirt to a match
Achieved 1/10/17

The press - and in particular those who work for ESPN, Fox etc - seem to love the Buriram Utd fairytale. After all, it's the story of how one man, in a remote area of Thailand, fought against all the odds to build a football club from scratch in order to compete with the continents top teams. Heartwarming and inspiring stuff.

However, the reality is somewhat different. The team who first ran out under the Chidchob umbrella in Isaan, had been drafted in from a city 350kms away - the fans were initially promised free transport to and from home games, if they still wished to support the club. Ayutthya PEA FC (for it is they) already boasted a long, proud history and had won the league in 2008 - the year before they relocated - and competed in both the Kor Royal Cup (losing to Chonburi) and the AFC Champions League the following season.

True, Mr C - aided by his other half - has gone on to make the 'new' club a major force in the region, and construct not one, but two impressive stadiums, but let us not forget that it isn't quite the meteoric rise that some would have you believe.

Therefore, in recognition of this, I decided that I would don this 2009 Ayutthya PEA away shirt for the visit of our illustrious League Cup opponents last Sunday - even if it is a bit snug! It's never a bad thing to be reminded of where you came from...is it?



14. Have a pie and a cup of Bovril at away match
Achieved 20/9/17

Following my attempt to bring a bit of culture to the Chonburi away experience at Navy (see item 13), I decided to return to my roots (and a more common football culinary experience) for the trip to Thai Port. I bought a couple of steak and mushroom pies, and a jar of (ridiculously over-priced) Bovril from my local Tops, and prepared both items during my lunch break at work.

Unfortunately, because we arrived late, I left my flask of "hot, beefy goodness' in the car, in my rush to get to the ground. Thankfully, the plastic container housing the pies, made it safely into the stadium, receiving bemused looks from the security guards in the process.

Once we had found our way to the back of the stand, there were only about ten minutes left until half time, so we made the executive decision to tuck into our grub there and then. As we were also 1-0 down at this point, the food provided us with some comfort and reassurance. They were delicious, too! Shame about the Bovril, but this was a tasty reminder of those midweek games of my youth, under floodlights in the wet. Lovely!



13. Drink a glass of wine at a match
Achieved 10/9/17

After parking the car at the Navy Stadium, I took my life in my hands by 'popping' across the eight lane highway to the Tesco Lotus opposite, to buy a bottle of red. It was even scarier coming back with my purchase. However, I did manage to negotiate all the dangers and thankfully arrived safely outside the away end, where I met up with my usual group of match day mates.

Sadly, only one of these heathens accepted my kind offer of a proper glass of Italy's finest and the rest opted to stick with beer from a plastic cup (Yuk!) rather than join me in my efforts to bring a bit of culture to the Thai league. Their loss!

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to take my wine inside the stadium so I polished off half a bottle (less the one serving my friend drank) before I went in. I really enjoyed the experience and will make further attempts to make 'el vino' the preferred pre match drink at Chonburi Stadium (and on our travels). I'm already planning to take a bottle to Port on Wednesday, and may even accompany it with some prawn sandwiches. It's the future!



12. Take a photo of all my Thai football programmes and post it on Twitter and Facebook
Achieved 4/8/17

Here they are. All my Chonburi home and away programmes from 2005 to 2017.

The first one we issued, was a two sided A4 photocopied sheet for the top of the table Pro League clash against Suphanburi on the 8th of May, 2005.

This style continued for our first two seasons in the top flight (2006 & 2007) and was supplemented by a TPL Weekly magazine in 07, which was given away free at matches.

Our first booklet programme was introduced in 2008, when we produced both 'Home' and 'Away' editions. I was a regular contributer to these and my columns were the inspiration for this website.



11. Travel by public bus to a home game
Achieved 29/7/17

I've always been an advocate of public transport and use it whenever I can. Therefore, this item was one I'd really been looking forward to.

I had planned to catch one of the old, clunky blue and white buses, the sort of which I've made many a long journey on. Sadly, for the most part, they now seem to have disappeared and been replaced by the mad "pack 'em in and drive as fast as you can" mini-buses - vehicles that I will never get on. Therefore, I had to fall back on Plan B; songtaews and motorbike taxis.

After cheating slightly, by getting my wife to take me into SriRacha town centre, I caught the first of my two songtaews outside Robinsons. B15 got me as far as Nong Mon, where I hopped off my 'Baht Bus' (do people still call them that?) and jumped straight onto another one.

My second songtaew was going all the way into Chonburi, but for me, it was easier to alight at the Kiri crossroads (a B10 fare) and hail a motorbike taxi. So, being a logical sort of chap, that's what I did.

From here it was a short hop to the ground, but my ride on the back of a Suzuki Wave (B30), cost nearly as much as the previous two legs of the journey put together. Outrageous! The driver should have been wearing a mask, a black and red hooped jumper and carrying a bag with 'Swag' written on it. I shall be writing to my MP.

All in all, it was a hassle free trek and only took a few minutes longer than my regular drive in the car. I would certainly do this more often, if only getting home again wasn't such a pain in the backside, especially after late kick offs.



10. Go to a national team match
Achieved 22/7/17

As long as the FAT persevere with their racist ticketing policy (which I believe was dropped for the recent King's Cup tournament. Hopefully a sign of things to come.), I shall continue to boycott the senior national team fixtures. Thankfully, there was no such nonsense at yesterday's U15s AFF Cup final between Thailand and Vietnam and I was able to take my place alongside the boisterous Cheerthai Power group, the fervent Thailand Ultras and the rest who were there to support their youngsters. It was free too!

The match itself was extremely enjoyable. Two teams playing football for the sheer pleasure of it. There was no time wasting, no arguing with the officials, no feigning injury, just a desire to win and have fun in the process. After 80 minutes of end to end action failed to produce a goal (if I have one criticism of the players, it is their finishing), we went straight to penalties.

Sadly for the home fans - of which there were many - the visitors proved to be more composed and technically better than their opponents from twelve yards, and won the shootout 4-2, with a penalty to spare. As disappointed as I was with Thailand's defeat, the explosion of joy shown by the young Vietnamese lads and their coaching staff as the fourth spot kick went, will live with me for a long time (see photo - click to enlarge). It was a genuinely beautiful reaction and a reminder what a wonderful thing football can be.

I can honestly say that last night was the most fun I've had at Chonburi Stadium in a long time. The atmosphere, generated by a large crowd, was terrific and the match - even though some football purists probably wouldn't necessarily agree - was a joy to watch. I just hope that our players and management were paying attention. That's entertainment!



9. Buy an opposition team’s scarf
Achieved 1/7/17

With all the uncertainty surrounding Super Power Samut Prakarn's future, I thought this might be a worthy investment. Who knows, if the club does go under - as many are predicting it will - any merchandise from their one season in existence could fetch a fortune on internet auction sites in the future.

At B399, I thought the scarf was a little pricey - the shirts were only B599 - but, as I've stated above, it could be the best six quid (insert own joke here) I've ever spent.

Sadly, I forget to take a photo at the Super Power Stadium, so the accompanying snap comes from after the home match against Sisaket the following Wednesday.



8. Wave a homemade “Therdsak Out” poster at a match if we’re not in the top ten at Songkran
Achieved: n/a

After our terrible start to the season, I really thought I'd get the chance to wave this banner - made from pages torn out of an old exercise book, and modelled by my dog. However, four straight wins after the abject defeat against Muang Thong Utd on the 5th of March, meant we were sitting comfortably in seventh place going into the short Songkran break. Unfortunately, that good run came to a calamitous end against Bangkok Utd on Tuesday night, in the shape of a 5-1 tonking, so I'm not going to throw my sign out just yet. . .



7. Drive to an away match with my scarf sticking out of the window
Achieved 8/4/17

As a small child, travelling the length and breadth of England to watch Oldham Athletic, there were few more exciting sights than seeing a car load of fellow fans, in some far off place (south of Birmingham), also on their way to the match. These people could usually be identified by the fact they had a club scarf hanging out of the rear, or passenger side, window, and the occasion was marked by frantic waving and the beeping of the horn. I'm not sure if this tradition still exists back in the old country, but I'm now on a one man mission to introduce it to Thailand.

The accompanying photo shows my car parked outside the Suphanburi Stadium after a four hour drive last Saturday. The scarf - my 2007 Thailand Premier League one - had been proudly flying for the duration of the journey, although I was tempted to take it in, to save it from getting damaged, when we encountered a very heavy rain storm in Nonthaburi. And, in response to my wife complaining that the noise of the scarf clattering on the rear window was annoying her, I simply turned up the stereo - we were listening to a John Peel show from February, 1979.

So, if you're making your way to a Chonburi away game this season, and see a white Toyota Vios with a scarf frantically flapping from it, please give me a wave and pip your horn. You'll make an old man very happy.



6. Have the name of this season’s first league goal scorer printed on the back of my replica shirt
Achieved 8/3/17

As I'm still smarting from Prince's perfectly legal goal being disallowed in our opening fixture against Buriram Utd, I was sorely tempted to have the young striker's name printed on the back of my shirt as a protest. However, after much soul searching (and learning that they'd run out of Prince's name and number), I decided to go with our first "official" scorer, so I couldn't be accused of being churlish. Therefore, for the second year running, Nurul Sriyarngem has the honour of being on the back of my shirt. Let's hope it doesn't jinx him - like it appeared to do last season. He only scored two more goals after opening day.



5. Buy a ticket from a tout
Achieved 5/3/17

With Chonburi's home match against Muang Thong Utd selling out the day before, I had to leap into unexpected action when a friend turned up at the last minute without a ticket. A couple of quick phone calls by my wife secured a meeting with one of the local "faces" opposite the ground, about an hour before kick off. Thankfully, he was only asking slightly over the odds, so everyone was more than happy with the deal. Lovely to do business with you, squire.



4. Take a slightly different route to each home match
Started 26/2/17

Route 1: 26/2/17 Chonburi v Nakhon Ratchasima
I travelled to the match after spending a lovely day out with my family. Therefore, my first trip to Chonburi Stadium in 2017 started from the Chonburi Mountain Restaurant in Ban Beung. You can track my route HERE

Route 2: 5/3/17 Chonburi v Muang Thong Utd
A fairly straightforward route along Sukhumvit Road from Assumption College, SriRacha - the spiritual home of Chonburi FC - to the ground today, with a detour down the back roads next to Central Plaza at the end. The usual hold ups occured in the centre of SriRacha and in Nong Mon, but, overall, an uneventful drive. You can check my route HERE

Route 3: 8/3/17 Chonburi v Super Power
Starting from SriRacha railway station, I took the back roads to Bang Phra reservoir, before joining the frontage road alongside Highway 7. After exiting onto the 361, I joined Sukhumvit just south of Central Plaza. From here, it was again the back lanes to my regular parking spot near the stadium. You can track my route HERE

Route 4: 18/4/17 Chonburi v Bangkok Utd
From Assumption to Sukhumvit, then a slight detour to pick up a mate near Pacific Park, before continuing along the all too familiar Route 3, as far as the Ang Sila turn off (the 3134, just after Index). From here it was a short drive to the right turn (at the lights) onto Phaya Satcha Road and along to the stadium. The post-Songkran roads were very quiet and the journey was a pleasant one, spent in the company of my wife and a friend I hadn't seen for a few years. You can track my route HERE

Route 5: 22/4/17 Chonburi v Navy
Straight up the 3241 to pick up the Highway 7 frontage road just past the BSC Driving Range (on the left) and J-Park (on the right). Then a 10-12km drive before exiting onto the new by-pass, which leads to Sukhumvit. After the exciting U-turn, where you have to travel under the road you've just left, I picked up the aforementioned main road and continued along the same route as the Tuesday before - left turn after Index etc (see above). You can track my route HERE

Route 6: 3/5/17 Chonburi v Port
Once again an Assumption College starting point. I took the SriRacha-Nong Yai Bu Road up to the Highway 7 frontage road. I stayed on this road until just before the new bridge, where I exited to pick up Sukhumvit via the cheeky U-turn. I left Sukhumvit at the Kiri crossroads, turning onto Soi Nartmontasavee 4. From here I travelled just under 2km and then made a right onto Nartmontasavee 30, which lead me to the stadium. You can track my route HERE

Route 7: 12/5/17 Chonburi v Chiang Rai
For this Friday night football special, I thought we'd treat ourselves to a nice pre match meal. Therefore, we headed up the SriRacha - Nong Kho Alley 13, parallel to the railway line. Then the windy back roads to - and round - the Bang Phra reservoir, before picking up the 3144 by Bang Phra Golf Club. From this point, we drove a few miles and then turned right onto the Nong Mon by-pass. It was here we paused to eat at the wonderful Little Chef restaurant (I had cod, chips and mushy peas, followed by apple and rhubarb crumble with custard, and washed down by a pint of draft Paulaner Dunkel). Appetites sated, we continued our journey by joining Sukhumvit, making the now familiar U-turn, left at Kiri Junction, right at Phata Satcha Road and then to the ground. You can track my route HERE

Route 8: 21/5/17 Chonburi v Sukhothai
The easiest and most direct route I've taken so far. The 3241 to the Highway 7 frontage road. Then onto the 361 to pick up the Chonburi By-Pass, where I took the first left turning for Ban Suan Nong Khan Khok. From here, over Sukhumvit on the bridge and another left onto Phaya Satcha Road. Finally, yet another left turn to get to the ground. You can track my route HERE


Route 9: 17/6/17 Chonburi v Pattaya Utd
I went up the 3241 and turned right to go past the railway station. Then over the crossroads to pick up an unamed (as far as I'm aware) back road which took me to the Laem Chabang/Motorway connecting road. I turned left and picked up the Frontage Road alongside Highway 7. From here, I repeated Route 8: Onto the 361 to pick up the Chonburi By-Pass, where I took the first left turning for Ban Suan Nong Khan Khok. From here, over Sukhumvit on the bridge and another left onto Phaya Satcha Road. Finally, yet another left turn to get to the ground. You can track my route HERE


Route 10: 5/7/17 Chonburi v Sisaket
I drove up the 3241 and turned right to go past the railway station. I then turned left and proceeded along the SriRacha Nong Yai Bu Road until I reached Highway 7. I continued along the motorway and exited onto the 361, when I repeated Routes 8 & 9: I picked up the Chonburi By-Pass, where I took the first left turning for Ban Suan Nong Khan Khok. From here, over Sukhumvit on the bridge and another left onto Phaya Satcha Road. Finally, yet another left turn to get to the ground. You can track my route HERE


Route 11: 9/8/17 Chonburi v Thai Honda
The back roads from Assumption to Highway 7, just south of Home Pro. Then onto the motorway all the way up to the exit at 361 - Chonburi by-pass. From here, I joined Ban Suan Nong Khan Khok and took the bridge over Sukhumvit. Left onto Phaya Satcha Road and then another left to pick up Soi Nartmontasevee 30, which took me all the way to my usual parking space near the ground. Simple. You can track my route HERE



3. Buy a pair of “Lucky” pants and wear them to every match until we lose. Then repeat
Started 19/2/17

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 1 - Royal Blue
19/2/17 Pattaya Utd 2-1 Chonburi
Matches: 1, Points: 0

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 2 - Brown
26/2/17 Chonburi 0-0 Nakhon Ratchasima
5/3/17 Chonburi 0-3 Muang Thong Utd
Matches: 2, Points: 1

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 3 - Maroon
8/3/17 Chonburi 3-1 Super Power
12/3/17 Sisaket 1-2 Chonburi (Watched on TV)
3/4/17 Chonburi 2-0 Ratchaburi (Watched on TV)
8/4/17 Suphanburi 0-1 Chonburi
18/4/17 Chonburi 1-5 Bangkok Utd
Matches: 5, Points: 12

"Lucky" Pants
Pair numer 4 - Black
22/4/17 Chonburi 0-0 Navy
29/4/17 Thai Honda 1-3 Chonburi
3/5/17 Chonburi 2-1 Port
6/5/17 Ubon Utd 0-0 Chonburi (Watched on TV)
12/5/17 Chonburi 3-1 Chiang Rai Utd
17/5/17 Bangkok Glass 3-0 Chonburi (Watched on TV)
Matches: 6, Points: 11

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 5 - White with blue patterns
21/5/17 Chonburi 3-1 Sukhothai
27/5/17 BEC Tero 1-3 Chonburi
17/6/17 Chonburi 1-0 Pattaya Utd
21/6/17 Ayutthya Utd 3-2 Chonburi (Watched on TV)
League matches: 3, Points: 9
Cup matches: 1, Wins: 0, Defeats: 1

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 6 - Black with grey stripes
24/6/17 Nakhon Ratchasima 5-2 Chonburi
Matches: 1, Points: 0

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 7 - Black with with grey circles
28/6/17 Muang Thong Utd 3-1 Chonburi (Watched on TV)
Matches: 1, Points: 0

"Lucky" Pants
Pair number 8 - White
1/7/17 Super Power 1-4 Chonburi
5/7/17 Chonburi 1-0 Sisaket
8/7/17 Ratchaburi 5-1 Chonburi
Matches: 3, Points: 6

"Lucky Pants"
Pair number 9 - Blue & white stripes
29/7/17 Chonburi 1-1 Suphanburi
5/8/17 Bangkok Utd 7-2 Chonburi*
Matches: 2, Points: 1

*I burned these pants the day after this match!


"Lucky Pants"
Pair number 10 - Charcoal grey
9/8/17 Chonburi 5-0 Thai Honda
10/9/17 Navy 2-2 Chonburi
20/9/17 Port 1-3 Chonburi
24/9/17 Chonburi 1-1 Ubon Utd
1/10/17 Chonburi 1-1 Buriram Utd (4-5pens)*
14/10/17 Chiang Rai Utd 3-1 Chonburi (Watched on TV)
League matches: 5, Points: 8
Cup matches: 1, Won 0, Drew 1, Lost 0

*Even though we lost on penalties, I kept the pants because we played so well and were unbeaten in 120 minutes



2. Record & release a podcast
Achieved 12/2/17

This one has been on the List for a couple of seasons, but for one reason or another, I never got around to it. I had planned to make a recording with some of the lads I usually go to the match with (I still might), but when my old mate Sven, from www.thai-fussball.com, turned up on a recent night out in SriRacha with all his hi-tech gear, I was happy to answer his questions - especially as he was plying me with Chang!

We did the whole thing "on location" in my adopted home town and I really enjoyed the experience - apart from when he asked me a question about Therdsak and then promptly disappeared to the toilet for five minutes, leaving me talking to myself!

The podcast can be heard HERE

With thanks to Sven



1. Wear a Chonburi shirt in another country
Achieved: 10/1/17

I managed to get this shot of me in my Chonburi shirt, at the airport, on a recent trip to Penang in Malaysia. Sure, there are far more interesting locations around the city - particularly in George Town - but I'm fond of this view (as is the man behind me). It makes for quite an attractive backdrop.

Incidentally, this photo was taken on the day that Penang FA player Mohd Faiz Subri, was due to arrive home after winning the FIFA Puskas Award for the "most beautiful goal" of 2016. I missed him by a couple of hours.