Kevin Watkin's response to Matt Riley's 'Dad's Army' article, from April, 2016.
Inspired by Matt Riley’s Dad’s Army article, I tried to think of a suitably dramatic movie/TV plot, with which to draw parallels to the main players in Thai football, but without too much success. Initially, I thought of casting Worawi as Frank Underwood in House of Cards, but in both the British & US versions, Francis Urquhart/Underwood comes out (or is still) on top. In the end, like Matt, I felt farce was more fitting – my choice was ‘Allo, ‘Allo.
Worawi Makudi stars as Rene Artois. Continually caught by his wife (Jesse Fink/the media in general) fondling his waitresses (best represented by Mlle Nongjork Land-Deed & Mlle World Cup Vote**), he always has a ready excuse, along the lines of “You stupid woman! Can you not see that Mlle Nongjork has lost her documents in her cleavage, and I am simply helping her locate these, in order to forward them to the right people”. These far-fetched excuses usually appease his wife, at least long enough for all concerned parties to forget them. He often replaces “You stupid woman!” with “I will sue you!”, with even better results, although he never actually follows through with this threat.
** Mlle World Cup Vote escapes to Russia early on, and is replaced by Mlle World Cup Tickets
Dr Wijit Yambamrung plays Michelle Dubois, continually planning schemes to help win the war, which are continually foiled by the incompetence of those around him.
Ong-art Kosinkar plays Lt. Hans Gruber, who always does his best to help Worawi’s Rene.
Somchai Chuaybunchum plays M. Le Clerc, the “man of a 1000 teams, all of them the same” – no matter what guise he chooses, he’s always in a battle against relegation.
Newin and Karuna Chidchob feature as Fairfax & Carstairs, 2 British airmen who find themselves stranded in a small provincial backwater. Despite ostensibly having the same aim (the betterment of Thai football), they are unable to communicate effectively with Worawi, and might as well be speaking different languages. Despite their privileged backgrounds, they successfully portray themselves as victims.
A number of actors have taken on the role of Officer Crabtree, most notably Peter Withe, Peter Reid, Bryan Robson, & Steve Darby. Withe enjoyed the most success in this role, while plotline of Crabtree being a secret agent supplied by the British was emphasised more when the latter three held the role. Their inability to successfully negotiate the intricacies of Thai football politics is conveyed with their garbled Thai, and the lack of interest in their good intentions is demonstrated by Rene’s disdain (“That idiot policeman who thinks he can speak Thai”).
Winfried Schaefer plays Captain Hans Geering. Initially a foe of Worawi and his cohorts, (due to his service in Cameroon), he makes a brief, late appearance in the series as an ally, before, like many others, disappearing to the Americas.
Lt-Gen. Chinasen Tonggamon (later replaced by Pol-Gen. Somyot Poompunmuang) plays Capt. Alberto Bertarelli. He is best known for his catchphrase “What a mistake-a to make-a” which he frequently uses he banning yet another referee from duty. Due Somyot’s time in the role, this phrase is increasingly used as contracts & treaties are torn up.
There isn’t much of a plot, (actually the main actors have been completely lost it), and the same mistakes keep being played out over and over. One common plot line revolves around a painting of the ‘Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies’. Most critics agree this painting is a metaphor for an abundance of skimmed-off TV money (the big Boobies) & the unattainable ideal of World Cup qualification (the Madonna).
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