A Uninterested Spectator Writes: 2015

My friend, Clare, has no real interest in football (and she thinks we're all mad) but she occasionally accompanies her husband Tim to the match. On Wednesday 29th July, 2015, they both attended the FA Cup tie against Sukhothai. In order to keep herself amused during the ninety minutes, Clare, with a little help from Tim, decided to keep a running record of the evening's events as they unfolded. Is this the future of match reporting?

FA Cup

Sukhothai 1-2 Chonburi
Thalay Luang Stadium, Sukhothai
29th July, 2015
Match Report
by Clare Spear (with assistance from Tim Spear)
A joint effort from Tim and I, sorry we started a bit late, maybe ten minutes into the game.

A Chonburi player had a yellow card quite early on in the first half, play was going towards the Chonburi goal.

Thiago just missed, it was a good chance.

Then Sukothai had a good chance but our goalie saved it.

Sukothai headed the ball and everyone screamed but it was no good, too windy. Drizzling and it feels like rain.

Crowd restless and more shouting but couldn’t see as people were standing up in front of me. More clapping, laughter even. The little blue men keep falling over. Crowd cheering an enigmatic Chonburi song "lalalalalalalalalala".

Sukothai miss, good chance and crowd cheer. The orange strip is awful like an orange and lemon masticated Chewit.

Chonburi 11 throw in. 31 shot from edge of the penalty area over the crossbar. 11, now a corner kick but none productive again.

17 scored a goal so 1-0 but some dispute and Sukothai got a free kick.

For the third time in a row their goalie kicked the ball to the halfway line.

Our 31 flattened by their peroxide blond bully boy.

Sukothai 10 tried to score, our goalie saved it and they got a corner but Tim says it was offside and it has caused quite a commotion with the Chonburi fans.

There is a lot of shouting because the linesman claims our goalie touched a ball which apparently he didn’t.

Now we have a corner, not sure why.

Two minutes have been added on to the first half and Chonburi have scored but it is still 1-0 because our first goal didn’t count for some reason. Mineiro scored this time. Fans elated.

Sukothai have been given a penalty because someone was hit in the chest, a terrible decision- terrible according to Tim. They missed though, merciful heavens, and it is jubilee here.

A little bit late back for the second half, unfortunately got waylaid  looking for food but could only find dreadful sausages, which Tim is eating anyway.

25 almost a goal. 2 yards out, but not unfortunately.

We had a chance but it was offside.

Thiago shot, a lovely shot according to Tim, but their keeper saved it so now a corner.

24 going off, 6 coming on. No times here, sorry about that, they don’t have one of those clocks like Chonburi have, even though it is a pretty nice stadium and lovely location, wonderful views.

Thiago had a chance, a bicycle kick, which just missed. A great chance according to Tim.

A Sukothai player went down.

25 coming on, not sure who is going off.

A free kick 40 metres out for 11, but saved by the keeper. A full length save.

Thiago heads from a corner and it is 2-0.

Sukothai 5 going off, 11 coming on.

Thiago off, Pipob on.

4 throw in.

A penalty to Sukothai because someone fell over, blatantly, even though there was no one near him, according to Tim.

Their huge 11 has scored so it is 2-1

Free kick for Chonburi 30 metres out, Pipob pulled back in the area, play on. A corner to Sukothai and crowd clap, no throw but still crowd clap.

Leandro off ? Or maybe staying on?

Corner, devil boy heads wide. Leandro pretends to be injured.

Crowd surge- but nothing happens.

Medics run on with stretcher, they have green tops, nice.

Goal kick to Chonburi, all quiet. Young girl slips in the crowd. Two players fall over. More medics with stretchers and nice green tops.

33, or 10, fell over. To be sent off ? No, back again.

11 hit the post- free kick?

Nothing happened.

Nurul on run -fouled. Ref sent off a Sukothai player - red carded for pushing Nurul. Free kick to Sukothai for being orange. 25 metres out. Tension. Number 11 takes 5,6,7 big steps. Hits the wall.

Final whistle, 2-1


Players very upset. Coach on pitch haranguing the ref. Fisticuffs…