22nd June, 2013
Stadium
The Acme Sewage Company Swamplands Stadium,
Puddle Lane,
Old Bogside,
Samut Swampkhram
Swampshire
SH1 7TY
Transport
The Good Ship Venus. We also made sure we had life jackets, armbands and emergency flares to hand.
Cost
A full tank of fuel cost 15 Doubloons but the wind was behind us so we were able to use the sails for most of the journey.
Travelling Time (total journey)
We sailed at high tide and the waters were fairly calm. However, we did encounter some choppy waves near Samut Sakorn on the outward bound part of the trip. Our journey took 4 hours and 50 minutes in total, at a steady speed of 54 knots per hour.
Total Distance Travelled
356kms
Match Ticket
Two Pieces of Eight bought you a ticket for the "stand" overlooking the deep end.
Programme
A copy of "The Bogtrotter" cost 1 Doubloon. There were features on Moses, Jacques Cousteau, How To Build An Ark and How To Avoid Paddy Foot. Good value for money and educational.
Club Shop
A well stocked shop selling Wellington Boots, umbrellas, pac a macs, Sou'Westers, snorkels, flippers, inflatable rafts and small coracles, all in club colours.
Away End
A few planks nailed to a dodgy metal structure by a bunch of seven year olds, in the dark. Dangerous when wet ie all the time.
Staff
The buxom serving wenches were friendly enough - if a little vulgar for my taste - and the club's official lifeguards were polite and helpful. However, the ferryman was quite rude and tried to overcharge us on our way back to the car park. Next time, I'll take my own dinghy.
Food
The local pub - The Admiral Benbow - served a fine range of salted meats, fish, sea biscuits, swamp stew, rum and flagons of ale.
Beer
We were allowed to take our bottles of rum and flagons of ale into the stadium. Yo, ho, ho! However, we had to leave our parrots at the gate.
Highlight of the Day
There were two; not drowning, and being jeered by the home fans as I took photos of the puddles on the pitch after the final whistle.
Overall Experience
I'd rather spend the rest of my life listening to Phil Collins records on a loop than endure another day like this. It was that bad.
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